Red Text
by HollowPhoenix
Summary: I didn't know how to categorize this. Ghirahim and Link meet in Skyview Temple and have a conversation about the game's dialogue. It's a humor fic, so watch out. DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T LIKE SPOILERS!


**Hey guys… I'm back. *cricket noise***

**Ahem… well, I have a new idea up in mah noggin, and I've probably lost a reader because of this idea.**

**I was told to not endeavor into the humor fics, but this one just HAD to come out onto paper… **_**virtual**_** paper, of course^^. **

**So, without further ado, here is this random fanfiction that I wrote just MOMENTS ago :D!**

**I suppose you could say that there's some spoilers in here maybe?**

**ENJOY!**

**A/N: The bold words are the ones in the game where they're red and sh*t. -_-**

* * *

_Red Text_

"Ok, so I finally got that damned key. After many failed attempts to get over to a _ledge,_ I have the key." Link smiled to himself and looked at the golden device. "Oh my god why does it look like an "h"? Is there something I have to do before I can put it into the lock? Do I have to turn it into a "q", or something? Because if I do, I'm going to throw it halfway across Skyview and leave it there."

"Master," Fi interrupted, "it is a simple process in which you use your legs to extend yourself upward and afterwards you place the key inside the lock."

Link seemed perturbed. "Thanks for the lengthy explanation, Fi… and are you calling me short?"

"I disagree with your previous statement. I just implied that the lock is above your head, and you must jump to reach it."

"You're telling me that I'm short."

"You are picking out the wrong components in the sentence."

"So now my _sword_ is telling me what I'm doing wrong?"

"Move forward, Master."

"No, you don't tell me what I'm doing wrong. You're supposed to be an inanimate object."

"Move forward."

"I'm sorry, Fi. You're a nice person… err… robot thing, but I'm trying to figure out how to get this key into the lock, and I…"

"…MOVE FORWARD."

"What? What do you mean , "Move forward"?"

"Master, during your angry outburst towards me, the gate opened by itself."

"Really?"

"I highly suggest that you move forward and examine the inside."

"I will… but did you ever notice that whenever we're talking, the **text** gets bolder, and it turns red?"

"I do not understand, master."

"You know the thing where the **text** gets thicker and it turns red?"

"No."

"Hm. Ok then. Let's go inside!" Link ventured into the small room and drew his sword. He saw the door that he needed to go through, but there was a man… erm… person in front of it.

"Look who it is…" The figure turned around to reveal black eyes and… purple eyeliner?

"What in the… is this the face of evil now?"

"Wha-? What it that supposed to mean?"

Link shuddered. "…Oh my god are you Lady Gaga?"

"What? Who is that?"

"Oh, you're not? Alright, I'm gonna ask you a five-year-old question…"

"Erm… ok?"

"Are you a boy or a girl?"

The white-haired man stepped back. "I am neither! I am a _man! _Unlike _some_ people in the room."

"I was just wondering."

"Well you don't need to be a baby about it! Did you see yourself?"

"I don't believe that's physically possible…"

"… Did you see the way you shrunk back and looked at the ground when you asked me that? You're pathetic!"

"I just didn't want to bother you…"

"Well you _did_ bother me, so you screwed up."

"Uh. Ok…."

"I am the Demon Lord who presides over this land you look down upon, this world you call the surface. You may call me Ghirahim. In truth, I very much prefer to be indulged with my full title: Lord Ghirahim…"

"…Ok. Um. Hi. Do you think you could explain to me whenever we talk, the **text** appears all bolded and red?"

"What?"

"Like when we say something key to the mission or whatever, the words light up red. Why?"

"…Well I'd imagine that it was because the **gaming** **engineer** decided that it would **help us along our way in a faster pace than we would go if we **_**didn't**_** have the bolded text.** But I have to say that it gets quite annoying after a while."

"Oh, you don't know annoying until you've traveled with the people I hang out with."

"I'm curious. Tell me more, Skychild."

"Ok, well first it was **Navi. **Oh dear _god_ don't get me started on her. I mean, you're walking through the forest, and all you hear is, "Hey, listen! Listen! Hey! HEY! LISTEN!" She'd do that all the time. Even when I was sleeping. I started keeping a freaking flyswatter on my nightstand."

Ghirahim crossed his arms and looked intently at the boy. "Now what is it?"

"Now it's Fi. Fi is ridiculous, because half the time, you've already established half the information she's giving you. She acts like she's a dictionary… from the FUTURE!"

"Why the future?"

"Because I'm assuming that everything will be more advanced in the future."

"But she's annoying because her vocabulary is extended farther than your **scrawny little arms** can reach?"

"No! It's because she tells you everything, no matter where you are. She'll tell you that your life is low even if you're in the middle of an **intense boss battle**."

"Intense?"

"Like, some kind of **incredible foe**, or something."

"Oh so like myself?"

Link facepalmed. "No."

"You're a mean boy. I'd be a _much _better **sword** than Fi."

"What did you say?"

"Ok, well I was _**supposed**_** to follow the** **storyline** **and wait until the end**, but since you've got me on this subject…"

"Go on…"

"I am a **weapon**."

Link threw his arms up and turned around. "I knew it."

"What? You _knew?_ I doubt that, Skychild."

"Well, you're so "fabulous" like, I just could've sworn you were some creepy thing like a **sword** or something."

"Yes, I am a **sword.** God you're right the **text** _does_ turn red. It's pissing me off."

"**Calm your tits**. Let's just **fight** and get it over with."

Fi back flipped out of the Master Sword and landed in front of Link. "Master, there is an 87% chance that Ghirahim does not have 'tits', so I conclude that they cannot be calmed."

"Oh, that's definitely something I couldn't figure out on my own- Wait. What's the other 13%?"

"The other 13% suggests that Ghirahim's gender is female, and he _does_ have these alleged 'tits' you speak of."

"Ok… um. I'm a bit disturbed by that thought, so I'm just gonna pull out my sword and kick his ass."

"There is a 97% chance that…"

"…Ok we get it! There's a what? A 97% chance of me prevailing in this battle, or something?"

"…Yes, master. Your attempt to read my mind has proved successful."

"…Fantastic."

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**Well, there it is. I'm sorry if I disturbed anyone out in the world by writing this. I didn't mean disrespect on Ghirahim, or Fi, OR Navi, **_**OR**_** Link -_-… Because Ghira is fabulous, Fi is a sword, Navi is an annoying fairy, but she's… nice, in a way? And finally, Link is the hero and you can never disrespect the hero, bitch. Jk^^**

**Hope u all liked it, and I **_**pray**_** that you laughed during this story.**

**-Luv and hugs, Hollow :D**


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